Friday, 2 November 2018

Thank you for not dating

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

Some might say that it's wrong for a girl to date a guy before marriage. If you ask my opinion on that fact I would brand it as "absolute absurdity". Trust me, this absurdity still prevails in most parts of my country and it is worse with the current generation. 

The problem with the current generation is, we, as the next gen species, are exposed to a wide variety of cultures across the World (thanks to the internet, access to the information is now made easy) and we have an option to choose and adapt the culture that suits our expectations (oh well, except the North Koreans). The adaptability feature comes with a vulnerability as an add-on, like a virus destroying the computer. If a person picks a certain culture and decides to adopt that, he/she should first do a compatibility check. If that particular culture is compatible with the society he lives in, then the adaptability factor is handled with ease. 

Now map the above explanation with this simple analogy - if you have a motherboard that supports a DDR3 RAM, you cannot buy a DDR2 RAM and ask the motherboard to adapt to it. You definitely need to opt for a DDR3 RAM or the only other option you've is to change the motherboard that fits the DDR2 RAM. You can change the RAM as per the motherboard's requirement but if you want to change the motherboard, it incurs additional cost. Society is the motherboard and the culture is the RAM. You cannot change the society unless you're a rebel who really want to bring in a change that each and every person out there is convinced with (this is the cost involved). The society accepts the culture only if it is compatible with it. 

A simple real-life example of why the compatibility check is required - there are few residential areas in the city where I live allocated exclusively for a particular type of community, say B, and they do not allow the people of some other community, say C, to reside there. Why because the people belonging to community B are pure vegetarians and they cannot tolerate the smell of meat, hence they're not compatible with the people belonging to community C who cook and eat meat. This difference is what makes people unique and that's where we can make use of the concept 'Unity in Diversity' to the fullest. 

The above-explained compatibility check plays a vital role in the so-called "arranged marriages", which is the most happening factor in my country. Let's take the example of the motherboard once again. Say that you've decided buy DDR3 RAM. You won't just blindly opt for the cheapest RAM, will you? People like me will first do an extensive research on these factors before opting to buy one - what brand is the best in the market, does it fit in my budget, does it last long, is it faster, is it durable, is the support reliable. So, when we take these many steps to buy a RAM, shouldn't we be extra-cautious in choosing someone who will be spending the rest of the lives with us? 

This is where I put forth my "three-date" concept. 

Date # 1 - Guy and girl who meet for the first time should exchange a formal conversation over a cup of coffee or tea or barley water (or whatever suits you). They should then formulate a mandatory 'two-date' plan. Upon mutual agreement, both the parties should part their ways gearing up for the ultimate fun.

Date # 2 - It's a guy's day. The girl should accompany the guy and the guy should spend the day on his own terms as the girl shadows him. There isn't a better way for a girl to understand what he really is. The only condition here is the guy should be natural and plan his day like he usually does. Any signs of weakness shown will be easily identified and the chances of messing up the date are huge. Be yourself and keep it simple. 

Date # 3 - It's a girl's day. The guy should shadow the girl and the girl should spend the day on her own terms. The same rules of date # 2 apply here - be yourself and keep it simple.

At the end of date # 3, they can schedule a session where they can analyze how the date went. This is called the 'compatibility check'. Both the parties can analyze how comfortable they're with each others company. This is the best way to check the compatibility between them. If either one of them feels that there are chances of improvisation and feel like they can repeat the process, that's a positive sign because the couple is already trying to work things out (remember, this is an important requirement as they have to deal with this post-marriage under many scenarios). If either of them or both of them feel like they're not compatible, they can bid adieu to each other. 

This compatibility check is very important and this can be accomplished effectively by following the three-date concept. Not many parents tend to agree to this three-date concept as they are afraid that the girl might end up getting branded as an anti-social element with the society. Well, we are the ones to be blamed here because the society will act only upon the information fed by us. 

The reason for me to stress on this compatibility check is to avoid failed marriages. Let me bring up the example of the motherboard once again. Even after buying the RAM, chances of it failing to work are high. In this case, since it's us who opted for that brand, we try to fix it, more than once until we get it to work. We tend to trash it only when it malfunctions after n number of tries. The same thing is applicable with the life partner. After marriage, if they feel like their life is falling apart, the couple should try to fix it because sometimes the fix might work. 

Those who say 'dating is injurious to health' are mostly leading a disastrous life themselves. So, keep calm and date an interesting person. 

Written by Ashwin Kumar


  1. Nice post. You have articulated your points very logically. Alas! relationships are not logical. Many a time one does not listen to their own mind and warning signs, let alone parents and society. One gets carried away by euphoria. Many difficulties, arise when euphoria settles down and reality kicks in.

    1. You're absolutely right. Only when one starts getting sober, they endure the absolute pain.

      I'm glad you enjoyed reading my post. Thanks for your time.

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