Thursday, 19 September 2013

Love or Lust? It's all in your Brain...

Whenever a guy come across a beautiful girl (or the other way around), his heart beats faster and louder, which in turn results in anxiety, sweaty palms, and several other unusual symptoms. Some of them aren’t aware that the symptoms are caused due to the release of dopamine, norepinephrine and phenlyethylamine in our body, instead they blindly get into a conclusion that "it is nothing but love". Scientific research proved that men have the capacity to produce these chemicals more rapidly than women. Maybe that’s the reason men get easily attracted to women at the first look (viz., love at first sight). This is how the process begins - from our brains. People usually say that trigger of attraction comes from the heart. I contradict the statement by saying that heart just supplies the required amount of blood to the brain and the brain takes care of the rest. But what happens when it exceeds the limit? People (men or women) tend to behave abnormally during those situations and this kind of behavior is because the levels of dopamine are shot up resulting in high blood flow in certain areas of the brain causing imbalance in functioning of the brain. They start to get addicted to their unusual behavior (like you might have heard people uttering these words – I can't live without you, I'll die if you leave me, you drive me crazy – these are the outcomes of the unusual behavior). That's the reason couples who are in love solely focus only on their relationship and are least aware or least bothered about the things happening around them.

Love is basically divided into three stages - Lust, Attraction and Attachment. In the first stage, 'The Lust', the hormones estrogen/testosterone comes into picture. It plays an important role in the cycle of love because it maps the physical attributes of the opposite sex with the list you have it in your brain thus concluding the fact that he/she is the one you’re looking for. The lust then leads to the second stage called 'The Attraction'. Here the chemicals dopamine, norepinephrine and phenlyethylamine play an important role that further takes the process to the third stage, which is called 'The Attachment'. The second stage usually tends to be ‘romantic’ whereas the third stage completely involves the ‘sex life’. The third stage is also known as 'after marriage' stage. Here Oxytocin, Vasopressin and Endorphins play a key role, which are released while having sex. That's the reason the third stage doesn't last longer in some cases (relationship breakup). The more we idealize the partner, the stronger the relationship becomes and it lasts longer than expected.

The second stage is where the confusion arises. Even after entering stage number 2, people still feel that their bonding is caused by 'lust' and not by 'love', i.e., they enter the second stage but they feel like they are still at the first stage. For this I've a simple definition that differentiates love from lust. The definition goes like this – 'Love: A tickling feeling occurring in the upper part of the body (brain) producing an enzyme that results in various chemical reactions causing some feel good effects. Lust: A tickling feeling occurring in the lower part of the body and of course it produces a different kind of enzyme and also the feel good effects comes into picture (fact!)’. Upper or lower, the choice is yours.

You might be wondering what happens when love fails. When you're in love, you are so obsessed that it makes you to crave and get addicted to your partner. When the love fails, it takes time for the brain to ooze out the thoughts and to sort out the chemical imbalance. To do that we use a weapon called 'distraction’. The reason why life becomes difficult to move on during the post break up period is because most of us are not trained to handle the ‘distraction’ weapon with correctness. No worries, we can master it by proper practice (I mean handling it the right way). Once the 'distraction' weapon is activated, it is up to the person (either men or women) to handle it carefully. If the weapon is used properly, then the enemies (old thoughts) are killed; else it would harm you in all ways (leading to addiction of drugs, alcohol, etc).

Most of the guys and girls tend to choose wrong partners and finally they end up feeling guilty or sometimes they find themselves in a worse situation. Before you get to bond with someone, just make sure that he/she is the right one for you. Think 'ten' times before you take a decision. Analyze in what stage you are in (do that every time). Ensure that you're aware of everything happening with you. Always remember this – 'It's all in your brain'.